Christian Books, Plays, Authors

THE TRAP

We all know, the marriage vow "til death do us part" and anything that is not alive is dead. This is my story of how death came alive by finding love and mental resurrection.

I often prayed to God in my lonesome voice to give me someone to love, someone to honor, someone to cherish and someone to need.

My mistake was not asking God for someone to love, honor, cherish,respect or need me! God answers prayers and He gave me exactly what I prayed for: Someone to love and adore.

After coming from a life of despair, losing my mother, not knowing my father, not having a very close relationship with my sisters or brother, I felt as if I had nothing else to lose but my mind. That was until I found the woman of my dreams and I was trapped in her love.

Ensnared into what I couldn’t let go of...incarcerated where I was...and bound into a desire for marriage. This is my story of falling into the chains of love.

After all that life had dealt me, I had no place but to go besides to the Lord. I didn’t have money; but I had a gift of music which I offered as a service. Not known to the area nor by the people…I was looked at as if I had two heads. I was a "weirdo" to many because they didn’t know me, because I minded my business and didn’t need to be in the crowd. Until I talked to her…the shocker of my day and who would have known she was so down to earth? I finally got a conversation with her that blew my mind. I was given the telephone number of a young lady.  She was cute, plus sized, simple and interested and I... was ecstatic! Who would think she'd come my way? "The woman of my dreams;" but as lonely as I was… any woman could have filled that position! She however was my new buddy/secret crush.

I was very sick from seizures that I had since childhood this particular day my new “telephone buddy” called and found out I was sick. I got a visit to the room that I rented with a gift of pillows, blankets, and homemade soup. Even better the woman of my dreams carrying it. I was now so deep in love and was under the assumption that she was too. She won my heart and there was no way to lose it. I felt the sense of care and knew this had to be it! She gave me her address to visit and I didn't miss a day!

I visited her home and was honored to be there in her cozy place while I stood still shaking from intimidation and  blushing from shyness. I stared from awe of the woman who I believed “loves me;” but I needed proof because this was too good to be true. She was a babysitter for the church where we both met.

This particular day came while I was at her house, her clients stopped by. The parents dropped their child off and spoke to her while I was in the room not knowing that I was there. "We won't be using you anymore they explained." Why? What's wrong?she  asked. Rumor had it in the church that I was a child molester!..I was shocked heartbroken and appalled at such a lie from church people who didn't even know my name! and of course, they did not want their children around me. 

She tried to explain that this was not the truth. "Why would I let him be around my children if it were?" she argued. "We don't know him" they debated. It's either him or us. "Nice doing business with you" she said.  My heart was now deeper in pain. Pain because the church I attended spread rumors about me like this, pain because it was believed... and mostly pain because she lost her clients because of me.

All I could do was pray for her and the liars that would say such a thing. I already had a bad rep for being how I was: epileptic, alone, lonely and unattractive. The one thing that helped me was the thought that she chose me over them. She assured me that it was ok and she’d do fine; yet there was one other misfortune I had to deal with: the father of her children. I'd become an assistant to my "girlfriend” with the two kids she had left to attend to and she gave me permission to answer her telephone and door. I'd always answer in a mellow business voice  and from "this" call I'd hear:  LET ME SPEAK TO THE KIDS! Not wanting to cause any confusion...I simply gave them the phone and their faces filled with delight! That was until I got tired of being disrespected by someone I didn't even know nor who knew me.

I'd often find her dazing into my eyes when I spoke saying “You speak like a poet.” she said. She'd then break down and begin to cry about the nemesis that controlled her heart, her children and my chance of ever getting a fair chance with her: her “ex.” The one who she loved, broke her heart, and then left without giving it back. This was my first "red light" she looked in my face and saw what she wanted him to be; until she became coherent and realized that it was just “me” there. Not him.

We spent the night together while I suffered from more seizures and she tended to me again. I was so distressed and tired that I could barely keep my eyes opened. She made me feel so secured by feeding me knowing I was hungry. As I laid there weak and knocked out, I jumped out of my sleep feeling a spirit and as I opened my eyes I saw her staring at me.  Her face expressed dread while she stared and I shocked her as I jumped up. "What are you doing?!?" I asked. She simply said "I watched you snore... It was cute." But there was nothing cute about how she looked at me nor the spirit that woke me up.

I couldn't sleep for a few days after the spirit that woke me up. There was nothing cute about it. That should've been my second 
"red light!!!!"

I made my way back over to assist my girl seeing as she lost her kids for my sake. School was in session and it was time for me to get down to proving that I'm a worker and her supportive man. It’s time to help babysit the kids. The phone rings and I leave the children playing so I could answer it. I answered the telephone in my business voice and again I hear the demand "LET ME SPEAK TO THE KIDS!!!" Man I'm tired of this crap I thought. My skin tightened up, my eyes darkened and I decided to say hell to this!  “No!!!” I said.  “As a matter of fact… HELL NO!!!” I continued. "Listen when you call and speak to me, you give me the same respect I give you! You don’t call as if I'm supposed to be afraid of you because I'm not!!! There's no one trying to take your children from you! He however… didn't think I had the balls to speak back becauseI never did and he was supposed to be "the dude ” around the way and in the church; but I'm from New York. I've seen much more than what he expressed!

"I'll come over there and knock you into a seizure!" he said... he yelled “I'll Kill you” and I waited for him to get here to try it. My nose was riled up…my sickness was disrespected; I was new in town, labeled and threatened by someone who didn’t know me? Now I was I was ready, he was mad, and she...was elated. Her plan had begun  to work! The plan to make him fight over her to make it seem as if he fought me for her, then proving he still wanted her because she still wanted him. He drove up in his car ready to fight and I was happy now! I had a way to release my anger after all I had just gone through before moving to New Jersey, then prove to them that I could take care of her.

As she came to the door...she realized his woman was in the car with him… for her!!! What a shock. He wasn't gonna fight for her...but He did bring someone to "fight" her. PLAN FOILED. "Don't get yourself in any trouble" she said to me. Let's just go back inside. I wanted to fight... but there was no need to. I didn't want problems for her home. Back inside we go and the tears began again. "Red light" My next question was "how did these strangers know about my epilepsy?" Somebody's mouth is running again! "Red light!"

I had had more "red lights" than a 3 day road trip...and more speed bumps than a Parking garage; but I never slowed down and never stopped. I couldn't give this up!!! I had to be the man to take her mind off of him! I had a family… my own family. A woman, a boy and a girl even though they weren't mine I was in love with the thought of having my own family; which was why I dealt with the odds, the false smiles, the calls and the humility. I just wanted a family. What I didn’t accept was the true fact that they didn’t want me.

My next story: "The Family.”